U-Haul and Unpack - Friendships, Betrayal, and Healing After Toxic Relationships
U-Haul and Unpack isn’t your average self-help podcast.. It’s raw, bold, and a little messy (just like real life). We’re two married lesbians unpacking the breakups, betrayals, and toxic ties of romantic relationships, friendships, and family (yes, even the one with your mom), that no one wants to talk about, but everyone has lived through.
From fake friends who drain you to long-term relationships that end in heartbreak, we’re calling it out and breaking it down so you can finally stop people-pleasing, spot the red flags, and walk away without looking back.
This podcast is for you if you’ve ever asked yourself:
💔 Why do I keep attracting friends who drain me, gaslight me, or make everything about them?
🚩 Is it loyalty… or am I just clinging to someone who’s already shown me who they are?
🔑 What does healing after betrayal actually look like when your world just cracked in half, beyond the clichés of “self-care”?
It’s like that one deep convo with your best friend, or even that stranger in the bar bathroom, that you didn’t know you needed.
Think of it as a soft place to land, a call-out and a hug, and a bi-weekly reminder that putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s essential.
Expect real stories, unfiltered conversations, and the kind of tough love that leads to your ultimate glow-up. Because loving others is real, but loving yourself is revolutionary.
U-Haul and Unpack - Friendships, Betrayal, and Healing After Toxic Relationships
Episode 14: Stop Calling It Communication If Nothing Changes - Why Narcissistic Behavior Keeps You Stuck
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Understanding narcissistic traits, patterns, and how awareness alone doesn’t change your experience.
You’re able to clearly name the behavior, understand the pattern, and even explain exactly what’s happening… but nothing actually changes. In this episode, we unpack what it means to recognize narcissistic traits in real life, and why awareness alone doesn’t protect you from staying in the same dynamic.
We talk about how narcissism isn’t always loud, obvious, or easy to identify. It can show up in subtle ways, through control, victimhood, entitlement, or even performative kindness. And how understanding these patterns can help you recognize what you’re experiencing, without needing to diagnose someone to validate your reality.
We also walk through different types of narcissistic patterns and how they show up in everyday relationships. Not just in extreme cases, but in the dynamics people normalize all the time.
We also get clear about what’s underneath these patterns:
🔑 The different types of narcissism and how they show up in real life
🧠 Why understanding behavior doesn’t automatically lead to change
💔 How these patterns affect you, from self-doubt to emotional exhaustion
🚩 Why awareness without action keeps you in the same cycle
We share how these dynamics show up in real relationships, how easy it is to normalize certain behaviors, explain them away, or stay because you understand why someone is acting the way they are.
You don’t need a diagnosis to recognize a pattern.
And understanding someone doesn’t mean you have to stay.
Let’s unpack it.
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Episode 14: Stop Calling It Communication If Nothing Changes - Why Narcissistic Behavior Keeps You Stuck
Description:
In this episode, Vicky and Lauren break down the eight different types of narcissism, challenging the common stereotype of what a narcissist actually looks like. From covert behaviors to generational patterns, they explore real-life examples in media, relationships, and personal experience—while also discussing harm reduction, self-awareness, and why narcissism exists on a spectrum.
Timestamps & Topics
[00:00] Intro: Plathville, Personality Takes & Reality TV Hot Takes
[04:12] Transition: From Reality TV to Narcissism
[06:20] What Narcissism Actually Is (Definition + Misconceptions)
[10:48] Are Men More Narcissistic? (Patriarchy & Social Conditioning)
[16:32] Grandiose vs. Covert Narcissism
[20:55] Type 1 & 2: Grandiose and Covert Narcissists
[27:10] Type 3: Malignant Narcissism (The Most Dangerous Type)
[31:22] Type 4: Communal Narcissism (The “Do-Gooder” Persona)
[35:18] Type 5: Neglectful Narcissism (Transactional Relationships)
[40:05] Type 6: Benign Narcissism (Clueless but Harmful)
[45:12] Type 7: Entitled Narcissism (Deserving Without Cause)
[49:30] Type 8: Generational Narcissism (Learned & Reinforced Patterns)
[53:40] Can Narcissism Be Treated? (Harm Reduction vs. “Cure”)
[56:10] Final Thoughts + Self-Awareness & Growth
[00:00] Intro: Plathville, Personality Takes & Reality TV Hot Takes
Vicky Machtinger:
Welcome back. Don’t forget to text your best friend back. Also… we forgot introductions, but if you’re here, you know who we are.
Lauren Petraglia:
We’re diving into Plathville—season eight just dropped. Thoughts?
Vicky Machtinger:
Never thought I’d say this… but I’m team Lydia.
Lauren Petraglia:
Same. That character arc? From prayer closet to therapy and confrontation—it’s wild.
Vicky Machtinger:
Meanwhile, I used to love Moriah… now I’m like, girl, please.
Lauren Petraglia:
And Ethan? Hard no.
Vicky Machtinger:
Micah… I want to like him, but he just co-signs everything and backtracks later.
[04:12] Transition: From Reality TV to Narcissism
Lauren Petraglia:
Speaking of personalities… let’s talk about ours—and narcissism.
Vicky Machtinger:
Because apparently, there’s not just one type. There are eight.
[06:20] What Narcissism Actually Is (Definition + Misconceptions)
Vicky Machtinger:
The general definition: a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.
Lauren Petraglia:
And that’s a wide net. A lot of people have traits without being full narcissists.
Vicky Machtinger:
Exactly—it’s a spectrum.
[10:48] Are Men More Narcissistic? (Patriarchy & Social Conditioning)
Lauren Petraglia:
Statistics say men are diagnosed more—but that’s based on reporting.
Vicky Machtinger:
And let’s be honest… how many narcissists are going to therapy to fix themselves?
Lauren Petraglia:
Also—society is structured in a way that encourages narcissistic traits in men.
[16:32] Grandiose vs. Covert Narcissism
Vicky Machtinger:
Grandiose is what people think of—arrogant, loud, entitled.
Lauren Petraglia:
Covert is quieter—more insecure, passive-aggressive, but still harmful.
[20:55] Type 1 & 2: Grandiose and Covert Narcissists
Lauren Petraglia:
Grandiose = obvious.
Covert = sneaky, backdoor energy.
Vicky Machtinger:
Covert narcissists often have good intentions—but cause damage anyway.
[27:10] Type 3: Malignant Narcissism (The Most Dangerous Type)
Lauren Petraglia:
This is the most harmful type—manipulative, cruel, and intentionally damaging.
Vicky Machtinger:
They leave people feeling fearful, betrayed, and gaslit.
[31:22] Type 4: Communal Narcissism (The “Do-Gooder” Persona)
Lauren Petraglia:
These are the “look how good I am” types—often seen in influencers.
Vicky Machtinger:
They help—but for validation, not genuine care.
[35:18] Type 5: Neglectful Narcissism (Transactional Relationships)
Vicky Machtinger:
People are seen as tools or conveniences.
Lauren Petraglia:
Everything becomes a power dynamic—who owes who.
[40:05] Type 6: Benign Narcissism (Clueless but Harmful)
Lauren Petraglia:
This one is tricky—they seem harmless.
Vicky Machtinger:
But they constantly redirect conversations back to themselves.
[45:12] Type 7: Entitled Narcissism (Deserving Without Cause)
Vicky Machtinger:
They believe they deserve special treatment—no matter what.
Lauren Petraglia:
Even if it harms others.
[49:30] Type 8: Generational Narcissism (Learned & Reinforced Patterns)
Lauren Petraglia:
This is passed down—learned behavior through family or culture.
Vicky Machtinger:
You can literally trace the pattern through generations.
[53:40] Can Narcissism Be Treated? (Harm Reduction vs. “Cure”)
Lauren Petraglia:
There’s no cure—only harm reduction.
Vicky Machtinger:
And most severe narcissists won’t seek help—they’ll weaponize it.
[56:10] Final Thoughts + Self-Awareness & Growth
Lauren Petraglia:
Self-awareness is everything. Without it, you can’t change patterns.
Vicky Machtinger:
And recognizing these traits—whether in others or yourself—is the first step.
Lauren Petraglia:
Growth is possible—but only if you’re willing to see it.
[57:30] Resources and Where to Follow
Follow the podcast for new episodes and continued conversations.
Links to social media and additional resources are in the show notes.