SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm Vicky. And I'm Lauren. This is you hauling on pack. Don't forget to text your best friend. You have no singing ability at all. Um I just noticed you had this. I know, how cool. It's very uh Zelda. I never played Zelda. I never once played Zelda in my life. I always thought it was like one of those stupid Nintendo 64 games. I was always into uh like first PlayStation with uh Tony Hawk Pro Skater and Crash Bandicoot. Crash Bandicoot was my fucking shit. Of course it was. It's so much fun. It's just like a fun little adventure game. I didn't say it wasn't fun. It's fun. What is Crash Bandicoot? What is he? I don't know. Is he a coyote? Coyote with pants? What's what's Crash Oh, oh with pants. Oh, I did play that. I played that with my brother. Yeah. I I don't I thought it was a fox with pants. Oh, it might be a fox. What's Sonic? He's a hedgehog. That's a hedgehog. It says Sonic the hedgehog. That is part of the game. That's the name of it. I did like those games. I wasn't always so good at them, but I did like to I did like to play. I still like to play. If I had the option to play now, that like if I couldn't like if I could get the gaming console and the game itself without it being like $3,000 on like eBay, I would totally play. I'm just not gonna spend that much money on something I'm gonna play for 20 minutes and be like, well, that was fun and like move on with that. I know myself all too well. But what you will do for more than 20 minutes is watch the testaments. Oh my god. You've been talking about it all week. I've been talking about it since it's come out because the main the main person, Chase Infinity, so I didn't know that she was in a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio and it was like last year, and she was like not her, but the movie itself was nominated as movie of the year. I did not know that. Yeah, so I didn't know where she came from, and I thought she was a Nepo baby. She's not a Nepo baby. She actually like earned her spot kind of thing. And uh and the entire cast itself. I thought that they picked like all of those girls like coming from like the handmaid sale, which I never thought that they would be able to top. They did. You said it was a book, but they changed the book significantly for the testaments so that it would hit. Well handsmaids too. They like changed like different details in the book, but like Margaret from the book. Yeah, from the book. If Margaret Atwood is making that dough, then like let it go, you know? Not business of mine. Just rhyming things. Yeah. I just know when it ended last week. You were like, Oh, what am I gonna do? Not just that, but you were like, you were like, oh my god, look at that. Look at it. Because of the way that I didn't remember they all like linked pinkies or whatever at the end. You were like, Oh my god, can we talk about this? It was so badass. And then I didn't say it wasn't, and then just like all week, then you got me look hooked into it where we're just looking at like testaments because it keeps showing up on my feet and I keep liking it. So like my algorithm's like, you said the testaments, huh? I'm like, I do. Oh my god, because it's so badass. Like the rebellion is gonna start with teenage girls. Like, what is more dangerous than that? We have no hold. Like we we started seeing a rebellion with teenage girls with the wilds, and then they canceled that. I know, different platform, but still. I know, I know, I know. So that's what I'm saying. Like, with the testaments, like it's gonna be a group of teenage girls like leading a rebellion. Like, there's no frontal lobe development for them to be like, don't kill this person. That's why I'm saying, like, this is gonna be there's no frontal lobe development. It's gonna be completely like it's just gonna be so crazy. It's gonna be so fucking good though. And again, the cast, like, who's the other one? Rowan Rowan Blanchard, I think her name is, and like she plays Shunamite. Oh, yeah. And like she's cool as fucking hell. So I think it's all good. I think that they picked the perfect cast, and I think it was just like a great setup for like season two, and hopefully there is a season two. Yeah, no, yeah. I thought they got renewed already. Yeah, I think usually you get renewed like in the middle of a season. Like, usually, like, they'll let you know if you're going to like when you're not renewed by the end of the season, it's always like 2575. Like it's really like hanging on. Yeah, I just never thought they'd like the the way they like hooked on it from handsmaids, like it was just what like I wasn't expecting to like it like that. Like, I wasn't, I thought it was okay. I thought it was gonna be okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I totally agree. You know what else is great? Celebrating your relationship. Mm-hmm. That was a stupid segue, but I had to. No, it was a good segue. I think we do our best. So ultimately, like celebrating your happy relationship is just because we talk a lot about like what not to do here. Yeah. So we want to lighten it up a little bit and talk about like things to do. Because your relationship doesn't need saving, it just needs more attention. I agree. And there are times that like every relationship just needs a little bit more attention, including the relationship with yourself. Yeah, that's a different that's a different topic. That's a different episode. That's a different episode entirely. But what I'd like to start with, there's like when we went through like all of our shit with Shannon and stuff like that, they were which time? That's a good point. We've been with her for a year and a half, but there were major things that we needed to keep in check to like make sure our relationship was in check with each other. Yeah. You know what I mean? So like one of the first things was like the daily check-ins, which we do now and we've implemented really well. And ultimately, I think it's alleviated a lot of tension between us and a lot of like tension overall. Because it's so easy to get swept up in the day and just like get through the day, especially during like the work week. I don't know. And I don't we don't have kids like human kids, but I can only imagine it's still stressful. When you have human kids, there's like another layer of complication. Yes, 10 pets is still hard. Um, but yeah. But when you add that layer of like an other English-speaking family members, like or any any same language as you uh family members in, I'm sure it can only make it um more layered. So the daily check-ins made sure we weren't skipping over anything building up. Well, what happened? So, like, because we got the chickens and stuff like that, we had to rearrange our like daily maintenance with because we have four animals inside and six animals outside. So you were like, let me take care of the animals outside, but I would ultimately have to take care of the animals inside. And because you've been ultimately the bunny mom and I've been the cat mom, yeah, either way, we had to move around a lot of stuff, right? And you were like, Hey, can you start taking care of the bunnies? And to me, taking care of the bunnies is meaning they get pellets in the hay, not checking their water, not checking their litter box, right? So one night, a part of our daily check-ins, I was like, Do you have any grievances with me? Or are you mad at me? Or, and I don't want to say not mad, any grievances. Any grievances, because once you include the word, like, are you mad at me? I feel like it puts like that negative connotation on there, like right away. And like it's not a negative connotation. It's just, do you have any resentments with me that like I could be nipping in the bud right now so this doesn't grow into resentment so I can take care of it? And like that's how I interpreted grievances. So and maybe it's like a pre, it's like a a pre um what's the word you just said? No, R. Resentment? Yes, thank you. It's like a pre-resentment almost. It's like a precursor to it. It's the beginning story, it's like, you know, the first chapter, really. It's the acknowledgements. It's the acknowledgments of a resentment. Um but that's the thing, is like going to bed at night and I was like, Do you have any grievances towards me? And you were like, It's not a grievance, but we did say this, and I've noticed you've only been doing this. And it really helped me remember, oh shit, I really gotta water the bunnies every once in a while. Now putting it a part of my morning routine. Every once in a while. No, every day. Oh, yeah. I was like, I was like, That was a bad joke. Yeah, you were like, When how how often do you water the bunnies? But including that question of do you have any grievances at the end of the day so we can alleviate that tension has been helpful for me at least to understand like where your mind is at with me. Yeah, because then it gives me like an opening. Cause I won't like not I won't, but it's harder for me, and I'm sure it's not just Nita, to think of things like on the fly as they're happening. Like in that morning I noticed it, but I wasn't gonna be like, hey, while you're getting ready for work, um fuck you. Like just all like because I know like it's not but at the end of the day when we're winding down, it's like, oh, you're more receptive than like when you're running out the door. And most relationships don't fall apart from one big thing, they drift apart from a bunch of little things that go unnoticed over time. Right. And I know that's how we got to where we were in the first place. Absolutely needing couples therapy. Absolutely. So um the questions that we ask each other at the end of every day is um, what is your anxiety level on a scale of one to ten? And usually, usually I like to say it's a zero. Wait, what is your anxiety level on a scale of one to ten? I love you. We're gonna stay on track. Um what is your anger level on a scale of one to ten? What's your color like green, yellow, or red? I love the color system. Yeah, I know. Respect the color system. Do you have any grievances? And is there anything else? I think we're gonna do that. No, those are like the four major questions. Uh-huh. A lot of the time it can open up into like bigger conversations, but like usually I like I like the anxiety and I like the anger because when we do answer and we say, Yeah, I'm anxious about I'm anxious. My my anxiety levels are two. And then like I can follow up with like, but this is why I'm anxious and it has nothing to do with our relationship, or this is why I'm anxious and it does. And it opens into that conversation of let's talk about it now so I can go to bed, not like I don't want to use the the very cliche, don't go to bed angry, but like that's literally what it is, like going to bed without it toppling into the next thing. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't have to be like fully crushed in that moment though, right? Depending on what it is. Sometimes it can be tabled. Yeah, right. But just like having it away, like having the awareness there. Yeah. I mean, and I know you said um the collar system too. So like I know there's times when we've gone to bed and I've been like, you know, my anxiety is at like a two or a three, and my anger's at like a two, and I'm like, and I'm green, but like I'm bordering yellow, which is basically to tell you that like I'm good, but like I like I'm I need to pull myself back down. So like don't add anything to yeah, don't like try try not to help me put myself into the next bracket. Yeah, tread like because I notice that when I get to yellow, it's like yellow red. So like I have to like be more cognizant of like the beginning portion of that. So but um it's interesting you say that because I have to be more cognizant of actually transitioning into yellow because I always maintain like a green, like a pretty solid green. So like I don't realize when I'm going into yellow. You know what I mean? I don't realize when I'm like going there. But these are also questions that like you can bring up with your partner and be like, hey, listen, like I noticed that like you're a little bit irritated. Like, do you want me to go into the next room? Do you want me to go somewhere for an hour? And like saying, like, hey, I'm gonna go for a walk so you can like do whatever you need to do, or just not talking to your partner for a little bit. It's fine if you're not ignoring them because that's that's a different yeah, yeah. But those are the check-in questions, and then check your heart, check your vibe, you know? And then for grievances, did you have one for me recently? I'm trying to think. I know that was the one I had for you, and it was easy because you were like very receptive, and also you're like, hey, I didn't think like I get where you're coming from. You're like, but I didn't think of it like that. Like, I just genuinely like didn't think the guy you said, you're like to me, like this is what that is. And I was like, Yeah, they need water though. And you're like, no, they need water. You're like, I just like it, I genuinely like didn't think that far. And I thought it was like, and not I thought I would have assumed otherwise that it was weaponized incompetence. So that's that's why I'm glad I like brought I was able to bring it up and just like have it not be a thing. Abolishing assumptions is major when it comes to fluid communication and healthy communication. Um yeah, we both assumed with each other. We both regularly assume we're still working on not assuming. Yeah. Because like we sit here and pride ourselves with like, I know you so well, I know you so well, we're a married couple, but at the same time, it's like like I know you don't like ice in your water. And that I can always assume you will never want ice in your water. Yeah. But I can't sit here and be like, oh, this is what she means by it, because your brain just works so completely different than my brain does. So but again, vice versa. Check your heart, check your vibe. Um, another part of another part of like what we've learned, well not just learned, but like incorporated into our like daily routine of celebrating your relationship is romance. Because we got is romance. I had to lower my voice for that one. I'm trying to think of how you can like describe romance not just what your partner likes, not just what your partner wants, but a way to bring them into why they like you in the first place. Well, I think were you talking about so yes, are you talking about like dates or like day-to-day things? Because day to day dates, day to day. You can yeah, you can do both. You don't have to get your partner flowers every day. That's a lot of flowers. But like no, just simple ways to remind them, like coming home and like a physical touch might be nice. You know what I mean? Like hey, thought of you. Even like a two-second text in the day, just like, hey, thinking of you. Hey, I saw this like stupid crusty dog on the side of the road. Don't know his name. The side of the road, not not on the internet, on the side of the road, and I just drove past him. And I just all right, just let him be crusty there on his own. I must a letter. That is I'm gonna clarify this. If you ever told me you left a crusty dog on the side of the road and you didn't pick him up, I'd be really upset with it. It's not where I was coming from, but that's how I took it. There's a woman that works in my office building and she has a crusty dog. So whenever I see this crusty dog, I think of the meme where it's like, my daddies make me smoke cigarettes when I don't finish my sketty. Like you're the only one who smoked. I swear this is not a Mandela thing. Like this is a Manda thing. It's not a Mandela thing. It's it didn't happen. This is real. They just like gas at you, and hopefully someone in the comments is like, I've seen it. I swear somebody has seen this. And if you have, please comment. But with romance, so when you said like remembering why you like each other, we'll start with dates and we'll work backwards to like day-to-day stuff. Sure. But first, like when we go on dates, let's see who can embarrass themselves first. So, like dates romantically are really nice, of course, but also like when you think about why you remember that you fell in love with this person or why you love with this person. Why you in love with this person? Why you in love, why you in love with this person? Why you in love? I can't today, why you're in love with this person. A lot of times, of course, it has to do with like the fun times that you do have together. Because a lot of times someone's foundation isn't you don't get into a relationship and immediately get into the serious stuff right away. Most of the time, we are lesbians, so yes, we moved quite fast. But this is you hold what I'm packing. Yeah, yeah. But most of the time, like I I would not accept. Um, so I did not accept for for several months. And then when you were like, when I forgot when I forgot my toothbrush, you were like, the time. I felt like the Lion Gang was playing in the background. Like, this is the circle of light. This is so gross. So um, a lot of the time it is like fun and light in the beginning. So, like being able to have fun with your partner on dates or even like day to day, it helps kind of like bring that back. So, because life can be heavy and serious, but like that way they're not like living in that state long term. So, I know you said like you're like, for example, when we went to um time mission in Philly on Valkyrie's. It was time too much fun. Yeah, it was, but you were like, all we did was embarrass ourselves. Oh my god. I was like sweating, like throwing basketballs, not even basketballs, it was like the old school dodgeballs, and I was like throwing them, and I'm like, why am I breaking a fucking sweat here? Like, yeah. And I know, like, I don't know, like dumb shit. Like we went to the so day-to-day stuff, like we went to the grocery store, and like we were like not like fighting in the aisles, but like, I don't know, there's so much fun to push. Yeah, like I don't know how to explain it, but like, I don't know. For example, even you're like, Can you get that on the top shelf for me? And I was like, Well, like you you can't reach.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

And you're like, get the goddamn jelly!

SPEAKER_00 16:33

Um and just like it was a drink and it was open anyway. Well, I was gonna say anywhere. Yeah, I was gonna say, I was like, I'm pretty sure it was. I said, I hope there's a rat in this, and then you and then it was open, and I was like, it's definitely because of the rat. It's probably because of the rat. So you didn't get your little bevy after all that anyway. That's why you have this. But um orange creams that, like the going on, like, you know, we have romantic dates, but going on dates like time mission, where like it's like an adult amusement park kind of right arcade type thing, or like just like knowing knowing when to be serious is important, but knowing like knowing when to unplug too. Yeah. And just be your goofy self because we have a tendency to lose ourselves. And like every day, everyone expects you to be professional, right? Everyone always expects the professional response, whether it's an email, whether it's a text, whether it's this. Nobody really, you know, wants you to like show your authentic self because everybody's kind of intimidated by that. Not that, yeah, that and or like no one cares. Because like most day-to-day interactions, like if it is professional related on any front, it's like someone needs something from you. Yeah, it's an exchange. So being able to like genuinely have your personality show and not have it be some type of like exchange. Exchange is like a really it's a it's a softer way to let someone in than strict vulnerability. That's a very good point. I'm glad that you said that. And vulnerability is hard, and we took discussed that in the last episode. So, like being goofy and being silly and being your most annoying self, let's say it that way. It always just like kind of brings to light like why you started to like this person and why you started to like really feel something for this person too. And like I know that we did goofy things in the beginning, like we would get rum buckets and pizza at like annoying bars or like that was fun. Yeah, it was always fun. Like we would just do like yes, we had like romantic dates, but we would always do like fun things too. And like I thought that, you know, I still think that like I love planning romantic dates with you because I love I love feeding my bitch a good steak, you know. But I also love to like take you out where we can do like teamwork stuff. Cause even when it comes to that's what my option was for, it was like the obstacle time, uh the team building stuff. Yeah, because we're really good at like team building stuff and it uh and it does bring us together. Oh, that too, the obstacle runs in the summer. We've just signed up for one of those. I know, I know. Oh, it's on the to-do list. But like that's the thing is that like being goofy and being fun, and ultimately, like our last weekend, and if you give our socials a good look, how we went to her she or she that was romantic. That was romantic, and it was soft and it was nice, and it was also super playful because we had the availability to go see the butterflies. Yeah, and like so we got to like enmesh both things, and that was so much fun. So, like, it's a nice way for us to you know calm down, be light, be away, and be secluded to ourselves. And like, I think it's a nice way to recreate our structures in our own universe in a healthy way, in a fun way. You know what I mean? Like separated from the outside, like physically separated from the outside. From the obstacles of the outside world. Because couples that stay, so couples that stay connected, they're not luckier, it's just more intentional. Like, so we're we've been, and I think that's part of it a lot of prior to couples therapy, everything. We were like going through the motions, and it was always like, well, once we get here and once we do this thing, everything will be better. And there was always an there was never the goalpost was always being moved. Yeah, the goalpost was always being moved, and and it's because it's not it's great to have goals, but it and you should always move your goalpost. But if you can't keep yourself regulated in between goals, no matter what your next thing is, there's always going to be a next thing and you're never going to feel regulated. So that intention of like being able to be slower, have those daily check-ins, do the optional courses or do the romantic dates makes it so that we can still see each other and ourselves in the day-to-day when also combating like bullshit. Yeah. And our work schedules are different. It was different and everything was crazy. But I'm glad that you included the word intention because I think that's ultimately what it comes down to. Like, what is your intention? Like, we can plan anything that we want to plan. You know what I mean? Because we were still going on dates during that time. Yeah. But intentionally setting aside time to be with one another. And being present. And being present, whether it be silly, romantic, serious, not distracted. Not distracted, like that was something that we didn't always include with what we were doing. So I'm glad that you were uh included that word intention. Yeah. Cause it you can plan the date and you can physically go. But if your brain is somewhere else, like it's an energy thing. Like your partner, one, you know you're not there, and two, your partner's gonna pick up the body. They're gonna feed on you. Yeah. And then all of that shit translates to the bedroom, whether it's day-to-day or on a date or both. It just which brings us to our third topic of discussion. Yeah. Cause if you don't remember how if you don't remember to have fun and you don't remember to play or why you like one another, then you ain't gonna have sex either. Yeah.

unknown 21:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

We've been there too, and that sucks. It does suck. Everything translates to the bedroom. So even yes, you so this is the annoying part is like every little interaction between you and your partner translates to the bedroom. That's why, like, for example, even that grievance that we talked about, like changing the bun. Water in the morning. Like it's enough to make your partner feel like off put. Like, for example, like you're getting ready for work, I'm getting ready for work, like the day's starting, like we're moving. And it's enough to make me feel like okay. So like I'm picking up the slack, kind of. And it might not be big, like that probably wasn't even like the full thought. It was probably just like, oh, now I have to squeeze this in too before I start. Right. Blah, blah, blah. And like that little thing, like when your partner gets home, it's not gonna make you feel like a you have extra energy, B, like you want to, or three, like you're gonna like like you have like you want to expend more. Yeah, no, that extra energy of changing the bunny water could have been dedicated to your partner. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Whether that's like actually sex that day or another day, whatever. But like it's not, it's like the small things that end up being like a turnoff that then build into resentments. It's it's like ever it's everything. It's that, and then of course, your own personal, physical, and mental health too. Like that's that's like let's not pretend that doesn't play a part. So I agree entirely. So let's discuss bedroom talk. So anytime a relationship really starts, you have this honeymoon phase, right? And it's like you're rabbits. And I feel like you're always going at it, you can't keep your hands off each other, and you're just Oh my god, I thought you meant like our rabbits. I was like, our rabbits are kept separately. Sorry. And they're four well, that doesn't mean anything. That doesn't mean anything. Anyway, but like that's the thing is like you have this honeymoon phase and then you kind of slowly but surely come out of it, right? And then the daily life stressors and then adjustments. So instead of it being every day, now it's every third day, right? And then it's like once a week, and then it turns into like every two weeks and then every three weeks and then every four weeks. But then, you know, other life stressors come into play too. Now we have to get an apartment, now we have to get a house. Like, God forbid anybody can get a house in this hellscape. But what I'm saying is the daily stressors of everything happens and oh, I don't feel like it this weekend, babe. Oh, I have my period, so on and so forth. I have to my like something's going on with like family or whatever, like you would like anything. And it throws off everything and everybody. So eventually your sex like kind of fizzles out, you know what I mean? So the big thing is when everything translates to the bedroom, tunic's done. Yeah, God. What I would suggest what we've been suggested to do. I'm not gonna say because I am not a sex therapist, but what we've been suggested to do is like keep an open mind and be aware that your partner has needs too. Right? Because at the end of the day, like everybody just like I'm stressed too, but that doesn't mean I want to be loved less. So sometimes being a giver means just being a giver and not receiving that day. Or maybe if like you aren't up for it, but they are kind of thing. Like that can be okay. And I remember when that can be okay. And when we were told that initially, I was like, we were both like, huh, because we never like basically if we weren't both in the mood, it was like we didn't have to. We like wanted it like we couldn't kind of thing. And then like we were reminded like that's not necessarily the case. And that's made things easier too, because then like we don't have to be in the mood kind of at the same time, exactly all the time. Exactly, all the time. And that's also a thing, too, is that it's not always going to be all the time. There are human children that play a part that can really take away from wanting to get hot and heavy with your partner. So, what we were also suggested to do, and I think it always put like a fire under our butt to like really not just like role play, but like have fun with it, is we got hotel rooms because hotel rooms would always kind of like we didn't have yeah, because we didn't have like 12 animals to take care of right before bed. I didn't have a crying kitten telling me to get off of you. That was the worst when we got the kitten and we just cooked, yeah, no. But that's so I can only imagine what a like a real human kid is like if we have the kitten outside the door that's like meow, yeah. I can't I can't touch you with a kitten crying. But that's the thing, is that like always trying to remember that like this is a priority in your in your relationship, like this is a priority, sex is a priority, and like there are you can do everything else but sex with your friends, yeah, as you should. Like, yeah. And like cuddling is cool, and even then I'm still like I'm not gonna cuddle with my friends. I think that's fucking weird. But like you do you, whenever you're whenever your comfort level is. But I always thought that like even role playing, you know what I mean? Try role playing with your partner, like give your parents the responsibility of what you can like come home to, like human children, or your animals, take care of your animals. You know what I mean? Like there are times that like you absolutely have to take care of your animals, but sometimes people drop their animals off at their parents' house or do something else that day. Like a system before so like a service there's like services like where you can drop off, like like you know, they have like dog hotels or that's exactly it. And it costs more. So I get if like that might not be in budget for everyone all the time to go on like a week vacation and like bring their you know, bring their kids to the grandparents' house and like put that much stress on the parents, on your parents, or put your pets in like a dog or cat hotel. But if you can even do it for like a night or a weekend, that's the thing, then you can at least incorporate it where you get that space and time. And there are places that like you can that are like child free or whatever, like yeah, adult only. That's what I was trying to say. But like there are like adult only like facilities that like facilities, hotels that you can go to or like weekend places. What the fuck? Like there are places that you can go to that are just restricted to adults and like for this purpose is that like they need the time alone. And it's like a very like swanky area. Like I I do, I think of like Hershey Hotel, and I'm like, yes, it's expensive. There's kids are yeah, but when we went out to eat, like when we were at the bar, like when we were just like doing what we went. The only time that there were kids is when we went to go see the butterflies. We really didn't have like we didn't run into kids regularly. No, and like that was the nice part is like, yeah, it's a little bit more expensive than no, not everybody can afford it. But like when you can put, you know, some savings here and some savings there to make sure that like this is a priority, like maybe both you and your partner can have like a little fund where you can go away for a weekend to be together and be alone and stuff like that. Making sex a priority is something that's important in your relationship and should maintain its level of importance no matter where you go. Yeah. And I know for a while, because like when we moved in here, like we were house poor for a minute, right? Which is super normal. But also that can happen when you get a new apartment, anything where you're doing that like adjustment, you're getting the furniture, like it's a whole thing. And I know what we did is we had we called them indoor dates, yeah. Where we would like find like a Pinterest dinner recipe that we could like make together or we made like homemade pasta and stuff what was it called originally? A carpet picnic. And I thought that was a very clever lesbian way to say, like, oh, a carpet picnic, huh? I don't, I know I heard that like once and I was like, really? But no, I know we had like indoor dates where we like we got a pasta maker, which was like three dollars making pastas like three dollars. I think this is like the fourth time I'm gonna like drop this. Like, go on Amazon, get a pasta maker, it's the best pasta you'll ever have. And it takes like 30 minutes. Yeah. And then like it's not hard to make like a saw, like anyway, like it's just you, yes, of course, we're suggesting like if at all possible to do like these like longer weekends or to do like a week-long vacation, but if that's even out of budget, like drop your kids or your animals off at exactly at the at the hot at their hotel, at your at the grandparents' house, like whatever, and do an indoor date. And at least that way it's like on a budget, but you're still getting that time and connection and like that playfulness that you need. That time and connection, and you know what? Turn the TV off. Like, I don't want to sound like Sam Hunt here and say, like, ah, turn the TV off, put the radio on. But like Well, you had a record one. But that's the thing is like, you know what I mean? Put on some music that like you know makes you both like a little bit smaller, a little bit smoother. Like, you know what I mean? Like, give yourself some drinks. If you don't drink, pour yourself some nice carbonated water. And a kombucha person there. Yeah, right. Like, I I love a good Waterloo. But like, and what did she say? Put some cream in it, put like a little bit of like half and half of cream in the waterloo. That way it's like a Yeah, but like the black, like the singular. Yeah, like the berry ones, yeah, not like a twisted berry or anything. I didn't do that. But anyway, what I'm saying is like give your, you know, light some candles, give your guys some give love to love, right? Love some love. I try to with you. Sometimes it pays off, other times I just trip over myself and I'm like, it's great, right? And you're like, no, you're an idiot. I never say that. Oh my gosh. Probably like with all this the little effort here, it's just because your relationship probably doesn't need fixing, it probably just needs more attention. Absolutely. So, I mean, of course there's things we need to fix, right? But that's a lot, that's always. But I'm just saying a lot, a lot of the time, it's like there's a disconnect and connection with yourself and your partner. Right. And being able to, and again, the biggest thing is being present because you can set all this stuff up and your mind can be somewhere else. And that's why I was saying, too, with intimacy and all this shit, a lot of like your own personal mind and body health comes into play too. Because if you're a highly anxious person and you physically can't be present, that's going to leak into your relationship. Right. And there are times I say that because I had that problem forever. Yeah, and there are times that like stress does play a big role in like libido too. You know what I mean? So like there are like women libidos, there's male libidos, there's there's like I don't want to say like used Viagra, but there's always like stimulants to get you going too. Like there's always um trying to think, like supplements, yeah. That's what that's not their supplements. Yeah, what's the supplement? The maca? Maka? Makaroo or makaroo, right? And like you've been taking that, and like on my end so far, so good. So but that's the thing is that like there are supplements that you can take because stress does play a part in like wanting to get hot and heavy with your partner. And like we had those issues, especially with like our diagnoses and the medications that we have to take. Yeah, like there are times that it just doesn't always, you know, work when you want it to work, let's put it that way. And like you have to just kind of like soften each other up and like being soft and delicate. And we've also gotten games, we've gotten like uh what is it? Yeah, like a card game, yeah. Like the i I don't even know what it's called. I'm gonna call it Fifty Shades of Grey, but it's not. I don't know what it's called. But it's like a sexy card game where it's like roll of dice, pick from this group, and like and it's like dance with your partner naked or something like that, or like lick from here to here, and like yeah, yeah. But it's just like a nice way to like get each other in the mood and like getting each other out of your head, really. Well, that's yeah, that's a difficult part that I have is that like getting out of my head when wanting to like perform. I wish I had a different word for that. Just like picture like tap dance. Yeah, I know. I like performance, but um giving yourself the love you need to love your partner too is also important, so you can care about that. And I think that your partner Yes. Sorry, I had to like connect those dots. But yeah, that's my point. Anything anything to add?

unknown 32:56

No.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

No. Um just give love. That's all. Oh my gosh. I can't. I don't know why that makes me think of Rose all day, but it's not the same thing at all. Oh my god, that would be cool though. The only thing I have to really add is because we're talking about weekends or getaways and whether it's day-to-day stuff when you're doing chores, weekends, weeks, is like really at the end of the day, just bring your passport, leave the kids. Fuck them kids, whether they're fur kids or human kids, fuck them kids. Leave them. Because when you the really big thing is like the responsibility portion of day-to-day life, like you want to be able to intentionally leave that to the side. Yep. Yep. Leave it at the door. And there are times that like you have to rearrange your schedule a little bit to make sure that you can leave your responsibilities at the door, like grocery shopping when you come back, or yeah, that's a big one is like or like I'll take care of the laundry when I come home, or like there are certain times that like I know for me, letting go of grocery shopping or like I always like to come back from a vacation knowing everything is done. But sometimes that means stop stressing yourself out before you go to take a day to unwind. Also outsourcing. Outsourcing. Like now that we can, and I know again, depends on people's budgets and stuff, but like hiring someone to clean, like getting groceries delivered, or at least getting them where you just have to go pick them up. Yeah. And set up and that's free with shopping yourself. Yeah, exactly. And that's free with shop rate specifically. Um, but yeah, I know like we personally like to go or do our own grocery shopping. But for example, like you said, produce, I know, like, but for example, it's like, okay, well, if it's gonna stress us out or make us feel like we're pushing against the clock to do it before we leave, then we'll do it on the way home together when we get back. Yeah. And that also adds to like the fun part of it. Because I like doing mundane stuff together, but you're carrying that energy from the weekend into that. So it's not like exactly we're doing the fucking grocery store. Right. And like, you know, I know that we like mentioned it a few times, but making sure that you can go away to an adult only place. Like, I have to like harp on this because like when you're in a moment with your partner and then you have your kids scream in the background or crying, and like, I don't know about you, but I am not the kind of person that can like tune that out. I just can't do that. No, me neither. But I'm not saying that like other people can't. I'm saying you want all of your attention to be dedicated to the person that you're with. The last thing you want is a distraction. So however you view a distraction isn't something that you want to have. Yeah, that's all I'm trying to hardly. So that's supposed to be both of you. Yeah. Just that's all that's supposed to have your attention. Yeah. So when I say adult only, I really mean make sure that you and your partner have the seclusion that you rightfully deserve and need for the way your brains work. Exactly. So you can enjoy each other's company. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck them kids. Fuck them kids. And I'm so happy that we were able to have like our secluded time away. I had milk and cookies like before dinner, or before dinner, what too, but before bed. And I was able to have like, oh my god, my Hershey kissed Martini, and like, I don't know, I'm a little heavy, you know, a little drunk there. But yeah. It was so good though. I well, that was it, it was like one of those, like, I don't even drink anymore, but it was one of those, like, well, while in Hershey, like that was you know, it was like, but either way, like it was still like we got both. We got the fun, the fun, playful stuff, and we got the romantic stuff. And then we got facials and a wrap, and that was so good. And a bath. Oh my god. Rose water bath or whatever. Yeah, I had honey and milk, milk and honey. Is that what you had? Was that nice? I mean, I didn't cover myself in soap suds the way that you did. I did roll around soap suds. I didn't do that. Did you not have soap suds in yours? I had soap suds. I was more um because I still had like a tension headache. So I was more concerned about like positioning my neck in the correct. I was literally splashing around like a child. I am like really happy that you had that time with yourself. Yeah. So I did I did like the the couple's massage. That was so much fun. Vicky scared her masseuse, so it was really fun. Oh my god. It was so again, bringing romance and like comedy together almost. But this is what we want for you. And we wanted to lighten it up a little bit about like, okay, here's all the things we talk about not doing, here's some things to do. Not everything. Where it's not just it doesn't have to be serious all the time. Yeah, not everything has to be don't do this, don't do this. Like, just keep in mind that like you are with someone that you love and like you are with someone that you care about. And like if you're not, that's another discussion. But you know, make sure they know you love them. More importantly, make sure they know you like them.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

So yeah, because you can love them and not we had for a while that we loved each other and we did not like each other. Yeah, I agree. Um that's a problem. But yeah, daily check-ins, go out, love each other, and watch the testaments. And watch the testaments. Bye.